Nothing is perfect. I began this school year intimidated, nervous, and unsure of myself. I think there are many teachers who begin the school year this way, and I was always told to fake it until you feel it. If you act confident, your students have no idea that you are terrified, and let’s just say I’ve become a pretty good actor. It didn’t take me long to “ease” into the comfort of the routine and realize that teaching middle school math, science, and Bible was something I could do. As with most situations, I sought out the comfortable place. This meant I would do everything in my power to work quickly, efficiently (this one doesn’t always go so well for a forgetful person like me), and to do the amount of work necessary but nothing beyond that. The problem with being so comfortable in my teaching is that I was no longer using my gifts of creativity to make my lessons unique and meaningful. My job became a job, and I don’t want it to be that way. My prayer is that God would help me find creative ideas to use in the classroom. He cares about what goes on, and I don’t think He wants me to be happy with teaching at a level of mediocrity.
In high school I was generally a straight-A student. In fact, the only class I got a B in was chemistry. It seems a bit ironic that I am now the middle school chemistry teacher (see paragraph above about being intimidated). I have often felt inadequate in this role, and oftentimes I spend a better part of my day trying to understand the concepts before I teach them. (I do need to give a little shout out to Eric Gibson, the high school science teacher who provides all the tutorials I need before I teach.) I like learning, and I love exploring the intelligent world that God has created. But there are some days when I wish I was teaching something I knew about and felt confident in. I’ve been reading a book called “An Arrow Pointing to Heaven”, which is Rich Mullins biography. Rich Mullins believed that life is a struggle, that there is no way to avoid difficult times. I am realizing that this applies to teaching as well. Teaching is not an easy job, and it is not about finding a comfortable way to do things. Sometimes God asks you to do things that stretch you, and I think this is one of those times. Rich Mullings says, “Don’t resist the work of God by asking for an easy life.” If I were not able to teach chemistry, God would not have put me in the position. Please pray for me as I continue to learn and teach in an area that is not my forte.
If you think of it, be praying also about the decision I need to make about next school year. I am on a 2-year contract at school, this being my second year. In December I have to decide whether or not I wish to renew that contract for another year. I am completely torn and would appreciate your prayers in this area. Perhaps my next blog will be dedicated to my thoughts of staying and going. I have many thoughts about it! Thanks for taking this journey with me, gentle reader.
